Future??

by ~Merwild

It's been a week already since I am trying to overcome my  depression.
Just when I think I am "me" again, I get moody and start thinking about little things that  lead to other things and I become a lifeless creature again.

My birthday is coming and I don't want to celebrate it. I'd be 18. I hate birthdays and I can't get them. Why to  celebrate the fact that I am getting older? Why to feel happy about this? Of course , my family, my friends and my relatives don't agree.Maybe they are right but this is the way I see things....
.I know for a fact that some of them think  at me as a social misfit.They're are probably right. I go out only when I need to and if I am in the mood to or when my friends insist and finally I agree.. But this happens rarely. I don't talk too much and I am too shy. I know that. But this is me.(this is a pathetic excuse for not to change since I don't like changes.)(I really star to think that I am a weirdo.)
Going back to the birthday thing...
I am afraid that with the "18 years old" label, I will become an adult.-officially.I know I dramatize but I don't feel ready to become responsible.Everyone has expectations from me, all of them expect me to behave in a certain way, to make decisions and act regarding to my age.
The truth is that I am very immature, sometimes naive, sometimes stupid and I can't picture myself as an adult.
I am even afraid to.
Then again, as I said before I dramatize things too much. Everyone has to go through changes and so I will.(I am self encouraging?..yes, I am..)
End.