Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Last night when I entered the door I was laughing.My mother looked at me and asked me:"How can you laugh when your grandmother is living her last days?" Of course, my smile faded in that moment. Then she said "You could at least pretend you are not happy."
I didn't know what to answer her but at last I said: "Well, if I am crying, it won't help her,would it?".Then I went into my room.

I am not happy.I am not happy at all.But what can I do? Cry?And what would crying do? I try to keep a smile. on my face and I try to cheer them too. But sometimes I forget about my grandmother. Then I laugh, listen to music and have fun. Afterwards I feel guilty.  That's how I should feel. I shouldn't have fun while she's suffering.But I am selfish. Sometimes I make me sick.Sometimes I wish I could be born again and be a better person and sometimes I wish I would disappear.
Still I am not by her side now. I don't want to go there. Right now I hate that house. I shouldn't but I do.
I came to the conclusion that I am a horrible person.

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