Pieces of my life

Hello again!:)
Today I will share a few drawings of mine here(for those 2-3 readers...(I am not sure about them either).
I love drawing and I spend most of my time drawing online. I am still not as good as I'd want to be but I am practicing and I hope someday I will be proud my my drawings.

This is not an original drawing.
The painting was made by Leonid Afremov and names "Foggy Park".
I love his paintings so I try to draw some of
 them...this is one.:)

This one it's original.I really loved drawing this...I felt connected to is.I am connected to all my drawing but this one is more special to me.:)
I called it "The autumn's embrace"

Some  things are original but most of them aren't. I loved this image too much not to draw it.:)
"Friendship".

Another drawing after Leonind Afremov. This one it's called "Gray Bridge"
It was pretty hard to draw this because of the technique and of the colors...but I loved it.:)
I will post more drawing some other time.Until then, have a nice day my imaginary readers:)

It happens

by ~Phons08194

I had one of my strange dreams again.Lately, I am having a lot of strange dreams..some are nightmares. Excluding this period I haven't had nightmares in a long time. Usually I have nice dreams with me floating and exploring new worlds, being a hero or just ordinary. I dream a lot.Probably because *time to brag a little* I have a pretty active imagination..sometimes a little too active. Anyway....coming back to the "nightmare" issue...
It's pretty bothersome.
This morning I woke up panicked because I dreamed that I guy was stalking me and wanted to kill me and on top of that I was trapped in a weird game that was taking place somewhere underground....Anyway, I won't bore you with that. The point is that I have A little too many nightmares.

Couple of weeks ago I dreamed that my grandmother died, then I dreamed that I lost my way home and I was wondering off the streets alone and no one wanted to help me and show me the way home and  now thins wicked dream.
I am not a superstitious person so I don't really believe in the meaning of dreams* though sometimes i wonder if something bad will happen.i just can't help it.

My point...I want to dream something nice so tomorrow morning i will wake up with a smile on my face:)

Update.

There weren't many things happening since the last time I wrote here.
My birthday passed, now I am 18. I had enough time to get used to the idea and I think I did.
Just a few weeks are left until the summer vacation it's over and I'll be in my last year of highschool. It's kind of hard to believe this-for me-. Sometimes I still picture myself as the little, annoying and talkative kinder garden girl.:)
This is why it's hard for me to accept changes...I am still bound to my past and I don't want to let it go because it has all my precious memories.
 But I will accept the present too. I will keep my memories but I will look forward. I have to. And every age has it's advantages too. Now I could drive..I have the right to but I don't have a driving license or a car..so I can't.Ha,ha. Maybe next summer...:)
Until then....I will live in the present. The present it's pretty nice now...it's a beautiful summer day, the sun is shining and the breeze it's wonderful. I wish I could be to the sea side now...even though I don't know how to swim I'd spend all day into the water. Again, next summer-maybe.:)
That' all for now.

*a song I came upon and  fall in love with :)

Last night when I entered the door I was laughing.My mother looked at me and asked me:"How can you laugh when your grandmother is living her last days?" Of course, my smile faded in that moment. Then she said "You could at least pretend you are not happy."
I didn't know what to answer her but at last I said: "Well, if I am crying, it won't help her,would it?".Then I went into my room.

I am not happy.I am not happy at all.But what can I do? Cry?And what would crying do? I try to keep a smile. on my face and I try to cheer them too. But sometimes I forget about my grandmother. Then I laugh, listen to music and have fun. Afterwards I feel guilty.  That's how I should feel. I shouldn't have fun while she's suffering.But I am selfish. Sometimes I make me sick.Sometimes I wish I could be born again and be a better person and sometimes I wish I would disappear.
Still I am not by her side now. I don't want to go there. Right now I hate that house. I shouldn't but I do.
I came to the conclusion that I am a horrible person.

Future??

by ~Merwild

It's been a week already since I am trying to overcome my  depression.
Just when I think I am "me" again, I get moody and start thinking about little things that  lead to other things and I become a lifeless creature again.

My birthday is coming and I don't want to celebrate it. I'd be 18. I hate birthdays and I can't get them. Why to  celebrate the fact that I am getting older? Why to feel happy about this? Of course , my family, my friends and my relatives don't agree.Maybe they are right but this is the way I see things....
.I know for a fact that some of them think  at me as a social misfit.They're are probably right. I go out only when I need to and if I am in the mood to or when my friends insist and finally I agree.. But this happens rarely. I don't talk too much and I am too shy. I know that. But this is me.(this is a pathetic excuse for not to change since I don't like changes.)(I really star to think that I am a weirdo.)
Going back to the birthday thing...
I am afraid that with the "18 years old" label, I will become an adult.-officially.I know I dramatize but I don't feel ready to become responsible.Everyone has expectations from me, all of them expect me to behave in a certain way, to make decisions and act regarding to my age.
The truth is that I am very immature, sometimes naive, sometimes stupid and I can't picture myself as an adult.
I am even afraid to.
Then again, as I said before I dramatize things too much. Everyone has to go through changes and so I will.(I am self encouraging?..yes, I am..)
End.

Facing me

I don't know how to start so I'll just say it simply.I don't think I have friends anymore.
I;m not going to feel sorry for me or complain(too much), so it's not that kind of post.
But if I think better, probably this is the reason why I don't have friends. I never complain to people that are close to me, I never cry in front of them, I never tell them much of my problems. I don't like talking about myself, although this is a paradox, because in this blog contains my feelings...
But here I don't have to explain myself and no one comforts me.I don't like being comforted. I don't like to console people. I suck at this .I don't know what to say to them and it doesn't help them anyway. It just gives them a placebo feeling of....hope, comfort? It doesn't lasts anyway.
I guess I am the "cold hearted" type? Maybe.
I hate responsibilities, I hate it when people have expectations from me. I don't think I can fulfill them. This means I am a coward.I know that and I can live with that.
I am also a big liar.Sometimes I put  the "brave face" . Yeah, the me that is  infallible and hard to impress. Bullshit. In fact I am weak and dependable. I am insecure, I have low self- esteem.
Sometimes I can help but ask myself  if someone would truly like me if they knew my true self. (this sounds like self- pity, really now!!)
If I don't like myself I don't see how others would.
That's all. Goodnight!

Will I?

by soulshivers

Can you see my soul now?

With your crystal clear eyes?

It's hidden by the moon's shadow.

It's swallowed by the infinity.

Gently taken by the breeze 

suffocating in the leafs.

I too become shadow.

and I

turn back the clock

then I

reach into the moment

so I

embrace the heavy rain

will I

be reborn?